now: finding no fault

I can see to the tip of my nose, if I am ever committed to the present. I can count the freckles and frown lines on my skin if I willingly and selectively forgo unnecessary trips to the past or future and stay put in the now. To toast the tea I taste is best in light of the experience at hand, not a memory of it yesterday. No one is as beautiful then as they are now because are we not introduced to the revolutionary moment of their new birth, right now, right here? We often create identity in the inept idols of insufficiency. I am my pain because I need an identity. I need to feel secure. Proving myself right has become a favored flavor in my life. It is unsatisfactory in the sense that I base my foundations and beliefs on poor proceedings of the past. Smug I become because I knew it all along but saddened yet again because I have arrived no further in the path of overcoming tumults. It may be that I only have one pair of looking glasses. Perhaps the past becomes the future's present because I automatically look that direction when interpreting the facts at hand (or beyond the hand).

So then, of course, I will suffer just like I suffer. And no one will ever understand me enough because it functions outside the commonality of shared experience. Who told me it was okay? Who didn't tell me is was a sham, a shameful smattering of smut? But since I can now recognize that no one told me the truth, I have arrived at a place where the space has been made to make that distinction. Who holds me back then? Only me, only my addiction to abstraction of God. Blame is a menacing falsity. If we have arrived at a place where blame can sprout, we also are present to a situation where we choose our reaction to it. We oft forget how often we are accomplices to the very adversaries we point fault.